The bunny teeth man

Two larger front teeth
Small eyelids, pointed face
Lush beard on two sides of the countenance
Bigger, broader, chubbier
How three years have made all the difference

Thanks for the time that never does me wrong
As this heart of mine knows what it wants
The mind has no clues at all

As time passes by
The mind knows the heart is right
It always is

I love the way you keep your words
You easily make me shutting up my mouth
When I am not that much relieved with others

Your calmness is what I have been looking for
This time around this feels different
This time around this eventually makes me at ease

Like a ship after battling in a storm
I hope you’re the shore I have been searching for
To put this ship on a hold
Till you rise our flag high
Ready to set sail with our home imprint in our hearts
Wherever we go in a pair

‘Sense and Sensibility’, my second escapade with Jane Austen

sense and sensibility

For how many times I can’t remember I made a vow to myself which I knew I was going to break it. Before the payday came this Tuesday, I promised to myself I wouldn’t buy a book because I have planned saving a sum of money for other things. Only a few days I kept this promise as yesterday I went to the Kinokuniya bookstore after my job was done. I couldn’t help fighting against the temptation of not reading a novel. So even if my money is so tight I kept going there. Even when I have known I can’t expect the bookstore offers more classic titles I went home bringing Jane Austen’s evergreen romance story, ‘Sense and Sensibility’. Although I once watched its movie version I kept purchasing it because I have known written version will always be much more joyful for a reader like me.

The best realistic thing about Victorian books is that they are sold in various editions that match with my pocket. I bought the book edition at just around US$7 (see picture), which is still very affordable for me. I can still enjoy a very lovely story under cheap price. I actually wanted to buy ‘The Vegetarian’ but the price is too high for me at the moment. So never mind with ‘Sense and Sensibility’, though.

I watched ‘Sense and Sensibility’ years ago. All I remember is Kate Winslet still looks so young at the movie.  I don’t even know the name of the actress who plays the oldest one as the central protagonist of the book. I was considering my experiences of having watched the movie version before I bought the canon. As the amazing experience of reading ‘Jane Eyre’ after watching its movie version proves my capability of enjoying the novel, I grabbed ‘Sense and Sensibility’ then headed home.

Unlike ‘Emma’, which was opened with rather cheerful tone, ‘Sense and Sensibility’, so its first pages suggest, invite me to probably read it in a serious mode. So far, I am at its first 13 pages so I can’t say many things yet other than the novel is quite solemn. Since I am accustomed of reading books by Thomas Hardy which are way stressful than Austen’s I bet ‘Sense and Sensibility’ is not that much depressing. At least let’s hope this classic isn’t as distressing as ‘Jane Eyre’.

 Thank you for providing the picture.

For this particular reason Anne Bronte is my most favorite Bronte writer

anne bronte

Hail to the Bronte sisters who have left enduring legacy in English Literature. I wish they write more books so that I can go inside their unbelievable minds. Though I know I can never reach their super high imagination level put into magical words at least I can enjoy more of their works. They die relatively at young age because of sickness.

So far, I read four books; ‘Agnes Grey’, ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’, ‘Wuthering Heights’ and the last one is ‘Jane Eyre’. I know some titles remain unread, particularly by Charlotte Bronte but I believe reading them is sufficient for me to draw a conclusion that Anne Bronte is my most favorite one.

I agree to most literary fans who say ‘Wuthering Heights’ and ‘Jane Eyre’ stand higher than ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’. I sum this up because of what I feel after I read each of them. I go crazy when I read ‘Wuthering Heights’. I am so moved when Jane Eyre becomes a beggar then so relieved when she eventually becomes Mrs. Rochester. I still remember I find it hard to put ‘The Tenant of Wildfell Hall’ down because the plot completely moves me. I get addicted to the book but if you ask for my opinion the novel remains below the other two titles in the paragraph. I think this is perhaps due to Anne’s writing technique which doesn’t dramatize Helen’s life as tragic as Jane Eyre or as horrific as ‘Wuthering Heights’.

Anne Bronte is my personal favorite because I find pieces of my personality in her two stories. The reason is so private. As much as I adore Jane’s trait that is so rebellious and as much as I am blown away with the wildness of the love between Cathy and Heathcliff, Anne’s characters are engraved in my heart. The simplicity, patience and strong-willingness of Helen Lawrence Huntingdon and Agnes Grey are what make them ordinarily outstanding.

You may call them boring because they don’t pose one or two particular traits that make them distinctive. Jane Eyre is very notable for her obstinacy and independence while Agnes Grey and Helen Huntingdon are both hardworking women but not that very stubborn. Agnes Grey and Helen Huntingdon are so-so if compared to Jane Eyre or Cathy. But beneath their average qualities lie endurance and strength. In my own words, they are very humane. Not just I but I think a lot of women or people out there will easily relate their characteristics with theirs.

‘Agnes Grey’ is the second novel that bedazzles me after ‘Wives and Daughters’ because of their ordinary protagonists who experience simple lives. Like Molly Gibson in ‘Wives and Daughters’, ‘Agnes Grey’ follows the life of Agnes Grey, all the choices that she makes and how they contribute to the final trait of the female leading figure by the end of the novel.

Agnes Grey wants sufficiency for her and her family needs. The problems she face during the life in the book seems ordinary; the difficulty in finding jobs, the negativity she has to receive as a governess. She sometimes hates her job because she has to deal with naughty children and some even put her position as a maid. But a job is a job. She has to complete her tasks for the sake of making ends meet. Her simple thought in job is also applicable in the romance side. She doesn’t pursue her crush but chooses to be patient and wait. Until when the universe goes in favor of her feeling, he comes and proposes her. There lies indescribable power beyond Agnes Grey’s simplicity.

Helen Huntingdon lives a more complicated life compared to Agnes Grey thereby she is a lot of tougher than Agnes Grey. Not only she has to deal with her alcoholic husband, Helen must go against public norms; fleeing from her husband while they are still married. Unlike Jane Eyre who is completely obstinate, Helen’s firmness is understandable, that she escapes from her husband to save their only son. Helen does this by force. Jane, on the other hand, could have stayed in Thornfield Hall while teaching Adele, for instance. Jane still has other choices that Helen doesn’t. Similar to Agnes Grey, what Helen wants is her son security and good moral sample that he will never get that from his own father.

I can’t imagine what strength Helen poses when she has to take care of her ill husband. She completes the duty of a devoted wife (I know the term ‘devoted’ here stirs debate at that time) by returning back home. As much as she hates him, she performs the responsibility until he dies. This part is so mixed. I feel that in this part, Anne Bronte softly brings up two opposite climaxes at the same time: the downfall of masculinity as portrayed by Arthur Huntingdon and the victory of feminism by Helen Huntingdon. Again, Anne Bronte describes this part in slow, soft ways that makes it very powerful.

Agnes Grey and Helen Huntingdon.. For some they may be boring, plain and not spontaneous. But you and I can’t bet they are beautiful souls because they stick at what they believe to do. They are stubborn because of strong reasons. Though patience and hardworking, they live the lives they dream to have no matter how many bumpy roads they have to undergo. They are awesome fictional characters and for myself they describe my personality.

Thank you for providing the picture.

After reading ‘Jane Eyre’: satisfied, contented, joyful

jane eyre

I know it’s a little bit too late to say I become one of the many million people out there who agree ‘Jane Eyre’ is named as one of the world’s best novels of all time. Reading it gives me various kind of feelings but to sum it all I feel so, so satisfied after closing the last page of it yesterday evening. This is actually the sort of feelings each time I finish reading books by Victorian authors. That’s why I still get stuck reading books by the writers.

First and foremost, the character of Jane Eyre is, I can call her, as the proper representation of a feminist. Though the novel is composed hundreds of years ago I can still find myself in awe with Jane. Rebellious, independent, stubborn, idealist and at the same time genuine and very kind person. I love her dearly, really. Because some part of her identity match with my own. Ah, I can even call her my favorite heroine by now.

I love the way Charlotte Bronte portrays her as not an attractive female leading figure, which is in par with her tomboyish trait. Charlotte Bronte doesn’t describe Edward Rochester as a handsome person but rather a well-built, strong and decisive man. So when both falls in love makes the story all makes sense. That’s not a fairy love story but rather realistic one. In fact, at the end of the tale, Edward is blind and has very few possessions left. On the contrary, Jane is a rich person who bequeaths the money left by her uncle.

How the two major characters swift positions in and after the turbulence of their romance makes the novel is again, logical. Following what happens in the life of Jane and Edward makes me thinking what makes the novel is something so whole. Anything can happen in our lives, anything. That what makes me admiring the book as it completely tells the lives of human beings, mirrors and says much of what life is in general.

The way Charlotte Bronte tells the readers, by the way, is smooth that I am so engaged with it. Oh her writing technique. Damn it! How can I write as beautiful as she can.

Charlotte Bronte successfully highlights the life of Jane in such comprehensive ways that by the end of the novel I am left satisfied. From an abandoned orphan, a lonely teenager, a hardworking, loving governess until she crumbles down then gets up being a wealthy woman. What is remarkable here is that no matter how well-to-do she is, how calamity robs Edward’s eyesight, her feeling and stance remains the same. That Jane Eyre is still Jane Eyre, the woman who holds her belief and sticks to what she feels. Because of what she experiences in her life, poverty and she turns into a beggar, Jane can appreciate whatever she has. She firmly holds her ideas and identity. No matter how St John frequently gives critics to her traits, Jane keeps to her words.

So many things I wish I can tell about the book but I know I can’t do all of that at the time being. I end up filling this post by saying thank you very much Charlotte Bronte for creating ‘Jane Eyre’ for this masterpiece makes me feeling so happy and enriched. Thank you once again.

The picture is taken from this.

 

The water in the palms of her hands

A white wooden-door of Elite Cafe was ajar with just five visitors were enjoying a Saturday night in it. A low temperature of three air conditioners in the cafe lost to the warmness of the surrounding even on the night when the clock was getting closer to midnight.

Two baristas were gazing at their brown middle size of the cups putting on a table. Each of them was beginning to decorate the top of the cappuccino with flowers images. Five customers were quite making them busy enough to kill the stillness of the night until they heard additional sound from the door.

A woman wearing read headscarf was making her way into it. A black slim laptop was on her left hand while a vintage red bag was hanging loosely upon her right shoulder. On her way to the empty chair situated in one of the café’s corners the guests’ eyes were following her movements for she became the sole female customer joining the night owls.

Chubby cheeks, a well-rounded face, curvy hips, short and fatty. She was placing the laptop on the table then immersing herself in thoughts and imaginations. Her current world was hypnotizing her that she didn’t take a damn look over the plenty of eyes looking at her side once in a while.

A cup of black coffee and three donuts were ready to quench her appetite desires in just few minutes. As such, she was becoming more and more absorbed in what she was doing. Her phone was waking her up from the job.

“Hi! What’s up?”

“So, you join me here? But don’t disturb me, okay?”, she said.

She was frowned her face, inhaling a deep breath then proceeded. Thirty minutes elapsed with no new visitors were welcomed. Just after she sighed, the door was opened again. A tall, dark-haired man with sunglasses on was walking toward the chair the woman was sitting. And the woman kept thinking and typing. She didn’t even look at the man sitting next to her.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here? Why didn’t you call me in the last few days? What it took you so long to reply my messages?”

He was bombarding her with a lot of questions that were making the visitors looking at the woman’s table once again with more curiosity. But she didn’t even utter a word. Her mind was still on the screen she left it untouched for a while for sparing time to think.

“Why are so cold to me like this? Am I no one for you?”, he said.

“After all you did to me now you think of me as a stranger?”

She stopped looking at the screen. She put it down, sipped the remaining coffee in the cup then offering one donut to him.

“No, I am full already. Thank you,” he said.

After she was eating all the donuts she was putting the laptop inside of her bag. She finally broke the silence.

“I am overwhelmed by the love you give me. I am so scared of losing you. That’s why I distance myself from you. I want to try living without you.”

He was shaking his head while his eyes were still on those of hers. No words coming out from his mouth anymore as few minutes went by. She, meanwhile, was focusing many of the attention to the windows as rain was mildly pouring down the road.

“You should have considered how far the game of love would bring you. You’re not serious with me,” he said.

“I am not playing with your heart. I just don’t realize your huge love scares the hell out of me. I am afraid I cannot love as much as you do,” she said.

Another mute moment went on.

“Well then. Good bye!”

He got up, moved the chair away then took only few steps to have let the door were closed. Her eyes still unmoved from the point she had set at, a void. She took the bag, paid the bill then left it, too.

Days went by without him no longer texting her sweet good morning greetings. No more night closed with brief sleep messages or calls before she shut her eyes. That was when she realized another drop of water slipping by her fingers. She now understood she was guilty of setting up the flame in his heart.

The Bronte sisters and the dream elements in their masterpieces

the bronte sisters

The night before her wedding, Jane Eyre dreams something so horrific that leads her feeling frantic and unquiet throughout the remaining night. She sees a woman looking ghostly coming into the chamber she previously sleeps in. Jane never sees her before the night. She surveys the wedding dress, takes the wedding veil. No damage is done but she stares at Jane’s eyes that lefts the bride-to-be feeling frightened.

According to her future husband, Mr. Rochester, Jane is half awaken when that takes place. The woman that she sees is not a ghost or whatsoever but rather a human being. On the planned big day it turns out the dream is not just a dream.

The wedding is aborted. Mr. Rochester is still the husband of a woman namely Bertha Mason whom he has been married for 15 years. He argues that his still living wife is a maniac or a mad person whom he doesn’t know about when he marries her. He later blames her family for hiding the truth about his wife. To make it bitter for Jane to swallow, the woman has been staying in Thornfield Hall for a couple of months. I bet the woman Jane sees is the wife of Mr. Rochester!

When I come to this part not only I am a little bit shocked but also I am intrigued to question what makes Charlotte and her elder sister, Emily Bronte, inserting dreams into their novels. Before writing this post, I read several articles that inform me about the lives of the Brontes. Charlotte, Emily, Anne and Branwell are fond of telling stories to each other. They are talented story creators since childhood.

I haven’t found any commentaries from literary experts about this topic but I think their fantasies become like a solid ground from which they base upon their dreams. As their skills mature, the fantasies turn into complicated forms, like the one I mention above. If you already read Wuthering Heights the kind of dreams emerge several times. And in the Emily’s novel, the dreams are much more terrifying.

The blend of fantasy, psychological issues and reality lead to best sort of dreams that make the Bronte sisters are the masters of it. As a result, I, as a reader, find it harder to differentiate whether the characters’ dreams are real, surreal or mere delusion. What is left as a reader is the sensation that sticks so long in my mind and again makes the sisters are exceptional writers.

I feel frightened and disturbed at the same time. Then I will question what the dreams mean to the rest of the story. What will come next. And you know what? Every time I find the scenes where the main characters dream, I feel a little bit afraid. I can still remember well when Heathcliff dreams of Cathy wearing white dress after she dies. Also the conclusion of Wuthering Heights mentions the ghosts of Heathcliff and Cathy!

This particular aspect of Charlotte and Emily makes me realizing they pose very advanced writing skills. Every detail are paid attention that slowly leads the stories snowballing into something greater without leaving readers, I included, feeling bored.

The source of the picture: https://voolas.com/facts-about-bronte-sisters/

Resuming reading ‘Jane Eyre’ after long holiday

During this year’s end of June and the start of July when the holy fasting Ramadan month and Eid al-Fitr long holiday were taking place, I didn’t read ‘Jane Eyre’. I did this on purpose as I hoped I would read more information about Islam, my religion. Not only was it part of the prayer but also because I thought taking a short break reading the novel would be a good idea.

After the hiatus, I continued reading the classic this morning. The thing is I want to restart this year with something simple, more focused and grounded. Personally, I feel refreshed and recharged not after new year’s celebration but after the fasting month. So in the past few years, I have had promised to myself to redevelop myself and love myself even more after fasting for the whole month, fighting against devilish desires.

This year I hope I can manage my time management for online activities then get back or precisely read more physical books. ‘Jane Eyre’ is the perfect start for this. So, this morning I spent the time on the public transportation reading the novel. What a joy to start the day!

At first, I was afraid I wouldn’t enjoy reading it given the long time I had taken the break. Thankfully, that didn’t happen. It didn’t take a lot of pages to have taken my reading mood back on the right track. I didn’t find it difficult to put myself on the shoes of Jane Eyre. The reading process ran on smoothly that I felt like I fall in love with it for the second time… although this time around, I don’t think I respect Jane as much as I do when Charlotte Bronte brings her up as a wild, super honest girl who instantly captures my heart as a reader.

I am at the 300 pages something of the book (in the version that I read of course). The part that I am in is when Jane is preparing her wedding with Mr. Rochester. I admire the character of Jane Eyre, don’t get me wrong. For me, as a governess or in general, someone who has lower social status to her lover cum her master, Jane is a very confident person. She is someone who knows herself very well that she sticks to what she believes and she holds true although her opinions are opposite the master or the people in the house she teaches.

As their wedding day approaches, somehow I start getting fed up with the drama she could have actually avoided. Her stubbornness begins boiling my emotion up. She complains when she has to obey Mr. Rochester or buying new dress for the big day which is definitely different with the ones she always wear; simple and plain dresses.

Then when Mr. Rochester is insanely drawn to her, praising her through a romantic song, Jane seems disinterested. In short, she makes a fuss or a drama out of nothing. Pffh…

Thankfully, Charlotte accelerates the courting part then comes the one day before they take a vow as a husband and a wife. And I haven’t resumed reading it again, LOL.