May be you are indeed my truly love, but I am leaving you now. Just cant believe I make up my mind to leave you. If there is one thing in the world that enchants me, drags me to kneel upon one’s knee, it is you, journalism. You are the soul of my life, an addictive drug I swallowed for the past three years to stimulate my adrenaline. Its almost a week I have been tying not to know about news and it is a success. Somehow, I keep on wondering myself if I made a mistake for staying away from you…
Abandoning you is like waking up from my dreams. Coz sometimes, I thought that I was like living a real dream. This whole news thing put me in a life where everything looked so beautiful.
I always love you, journalism. If I say I loathe you, I lie. I just feel pathetic. I always want to dedicate my life for you but you know that things went on so bitter. Things were no longer attractive. They turned out to be real, really real. At the end, I had to choose. Between living the sweet-dream-turns-bitter-facts and opening a new real chapter of life.
Till I…prefer to live as to what I am today. I feel empty now, without you. Now, I dont have any dreams, coz whats real is what my dream is. I have been so ambitious, idealistic. I chased what my heart had said. I went to wherever I wanted to go. But I have to sadly admit that those dreams were so miserable. I could not deny that I was getting unhappy and was no longer enjoying what I used to feel. May be I am giving up for what I deeply love but I have to be realistic that there were system and people who made you turned out to be very ugly in front of my eyes. May be you are innocent but those parties have ruined your reputation.
I adore you, journalism. I will always do. But now…I am getting skeptical. Sacrificing my whole life for news is no longer worthwhile. I am beginning to realize that I have to share my only heart to not only with you but with others as well. I need to balance my life. Now thats the key to my concrete happiness. I wanted to be an ordinary journalist but you know I kept on trying to make myself a good one at a specific field.
For the past three months, I was optimistic that leaving you would be easy but now I know that is wrong. I am sad for leaving you. But I will move on. I will seek new love though I know that wont be as much as I love you. I myself have created such a huge hole in my heart and it is very painful. Cant believe that the torture is lingering, getting more and more painful everyday. But I continue going on with new loves till I am sure that if you are irreplaceable.
I keep on thinking if I were a good reporter or not. Perhaps I am not that smart to get really exclusive stories. I dont have many close sourcepersons. And I am never satisfied with my reportings and writings. All I am certain is that I am good learner. I already did my best and won my freedom. There has always a willingness to incessantly learn about you. But I dont want to blinded with my great love. So I take a pause. I need to look back to what I have done and what have happened to me.
Sorry journalism. But those people have tainted your good image. I could no find any freedom because they had intervened our beautiful relationship. They hurt my feeling so much. They underestimated, left a deep scar in my life I am still trying hard to heal. Thats why. I am beginning to be sad.
And I am now sadder because I have to wake up myself from such a long amazing dream. What used to be very real is now my dream and vice versa, what was once a dream is now simply a reality.