No End in Sight Yet (Part 1)

Life is funny, isnt it?

Just last Friday, I and my co-workers were struck by a thunder in the middle of sunny day because our beloved news website to:day was closed because of financial matters and other reasons. We were so panic since almost none of us were ready with new jobs. Above all else, we love our working place so much. We already feel it is like our home. Two weeks before the closure, everything seemed fine. We sensed there was something wrong when our management decided to put to:day newspaper into a halt. Since then, uncertainty was looming. Worst of all, we received our salaries on June 10, five days late from its monthly schedule.

Last Friday is the judgement moment. After five days of waiting, we eventually received our money…for the last time. The director confessed he was having some financial matters that forced him to fire us all. Shocked, panic, completely sad. Dozens of people were laid off, including me. Worse is some of us are the breadwinners of our respective families. After the announcement, some of us were still trying to convince our director not to close our website that soon. We asked for one or two months in extention to find potential investors. We believe to:day has a promising future as a global online news website. But the director did not give any decisions at that time. He said he needed time to determine everything.

We thought that was the end. What else we could do? The curtain was falling down. The eight-month show was over. Most of us pointed our fingers at the managing editor for all of the mess. But that was not helpful. I myself could only smile. That was the only act I could do to hide my deep sorrow. For me, to:day is my ideal work with all of its imperfections. That was the place I was ready to settle in. I feel everything was enough when I was at the place. I got enough salary, working load, holidays. I love my journalists. I watched them growing up as good ones. At first, it was so damn hard to teach them. But slowly, they did more than I had expected.

I did not want to say goodbyes to my office mates that day. I said “ see u again.” For bitter or good, I could only draw precious lessons. Oftentimes, I said “suppose we did this. It should have been better if we did not do that.” But over is over.

On the journey back home, I felt so empty. I did not really mind losing the job I love the most. But losing the place I already called home with its amazing people?

For hours, I was only gazing through ceilings, wondering how could this possible to happen? Well, may be that was the time I should fix things that were not at the proper place. Perhaps, that was a reprimand from God that I needed to find other jobs or seek scholarships. On Saturday, I took time to visit my favorite bookstore. Reading good books was the only activity that could distract my sadness then gradually recovered from it. And that was proven. I thanked to Amitav Ghosh for his The Glass Palace which was quickly shifting my mind away from to:day. That were the bleak days, Friday and Saturday. Just when everything was going to be calm and I was about ready to move on, a short message struck my life again on Sunday afternoon.

To Be Continued…


3 thoughts on “No End in Sight Yet (Part 1)

  1. Dear Eny,
    I can really feel how you feel that you truly belong to To:Day, the place you call home.
    I can understand how you finally feel like you fall in love with the right place, after years of being lost in the wrong places (u know what places I mean right, hehe).

    To be honest, I was very happy seeing you and fitri happy there, and never crossed my mind that it would end this way. But I know that you know, that beyond all this, He has his own scenario that we haven’t understood. Remember you once told me: “God works in His mysterious ways”, right??? hehehe. I know you believe in that too, only maybe, that now you’re still digesting everything. It’s ok, take your time, en.

    I somehow have the feeling that the closure is temporary, and there will be another investor taking it over (I mean To:Day already has it all — a pool of talented journalists & editors, good brand and experiences). Even less famous portals like BeritaSatu or Pelitaonline can find new investors. To:Day, in my honest opinion, is waaaayyy better than them!

    But in case this doesn’t happen, and it will be closed for forever, at least you know you have found your “most ideal” workplace, that you have had good memories there, something you’ll always remember with a smile on your face whenever you think about it. It’s definitely your best eight-month of learning and growing, with those you truly call “team mates”.

    I agree that this could be your moment to step back a little and think about your journey. Another job or scholarship, you’ll know the answer soon. For now, at least To:Day had brought you back the passion you once lost: Journalism.

    Cheers, en! You know how to reach me when you need someone to talk to 🙂

    • Thank you Dian. Im so blessed to have you and Wida by my side during my dark days. Everything is getting better now… Hope yours is fine as well. Looking forward to gather with both of you, hehehe…

  2. hello eny, so glad to know that everything’s fine now, hope it will remain like that!!
    mine is fine, too! i mean, better, hahahaa….
    yes, can’t wait to hang out with both of u, too… let’s do it, maybe before Ramadhan (alamaaakkk dah mau puasa yaahh??? *tepokjidat)

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