Five years, five different jobs, five offices, and it’s over! My duty, a very noble one, is over next month as my beloved sister graduates. You can’t never feel how relieved I am. This post does not mean to express my narcissism or my arrogancy for being able to finance my sister’s college study for five years. I just want to say how happy I am for conducting this responsibility. I also want to express my gratitute to God and praise myself for all hardworking that I have done so far. I AM VERY PROUD FOR MYSELF! Seriously!
This post actually aims at showing and rebuilding my confidence through small and giant things that I have achieved. Funding my sister’s study is THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE SO FAR! And until now, I sometimes can’t believe I did that. Through tears, joys, ups and downs, jobs searches, bosses’ complaints, all my salary and saving are enough to have my sister get a good education as a nurse. Most of friends receive praises for their excellent studies, good jobs, promising careers, etc. Sometimes, I feel so low as I still haven’t continued my study. I also have not-so-good job and career. But then, I realize I sometimes feel more superior than them for all the things I have done for my family. Funding someone’s college study is so damn hard. It’s like I now act as a breadwinner who has to ensure my family has enough money to eat and buy basic goods. I have to use my money wisely so that I can send enough money for my sister.
At first, I hated to finance my sister. I was forced to do that since my parents have limited salary to cover all expanses. Besides, my sister’s nursery study that takes a lot of laboratory practices, medical devices, that require a lot of money other than monthly pocket money, tuition fee, boarding room money, etc. I knew I was going to do that but I still found it so damn overwhelming once I took the responsibility. But I love my sister, of course. I want her to taste best education she can ever have. She’s smart, diligent, and has huge passion to study. With inner conflicts within my heart, I took the task. I was a new journalist at that time. I was already stressful with the job, the pressure, and now I had to send monthly money for my sister and my family as well. That felt miserable at first, I have to tell. I couldn’t use all my money for fun or buy things as I like. Every time I wanted to do that, my sister’s study came across in my mind.
Since then, her study and her need come first. Each time I receive my salary, I have to ensure she has all of hers first then mine. Day by day, I get used to that. I even feel grateful that I learn how to experience such a huge responsibility at this young age. That means I am capable and I should not doubt myself for that. Funding my sister’s study allows me to learn to use my money well and not be selfish. I learn how hard it is to finance one’s study despite the fact I haven’t had any children. But I can imagine how difficult is it to become parents someday, amin.
The feeling of being lucky and being doomed for that responsibility comes and goes within five years. I can tell you that sometimes I cried when my sister texted me asking for some amount of money despite the fact I just sent her some. I know I have enough saving but I can’t wholly feel fine to send money more than once in a month. And she knows exactly how I feel. Thankfully, I have the best sister in the world. Our relationship is weird. We love fighting, a lot, word war, I mean. We have different characters. She is a talkactive person, sociable, but obey my parents’ words. Me? I am an introvert, not very sociable, but so stubborn. LOL!
I believe I hand in the money to the best person I can trust. My sister uses it well. She doesn’t shop very much and she knows how to hang out without spending too much money for that.
Lately, I am so lucky for carrying the responsibility as that wakes me up when I feel like I am unused. Recent failures in some aspects of life, in love and career, sometimes make me down. But my success in financing my sister’s college study helps me to understand how I have been useful for her, my family, and my extended family. Knowing how they need and love me is amazing. Now I feel I am great and I must never underestimate myself. My persistence, patience, and hardworking for my sister proves me that I am strong and I am a fantastic person.
To celebrate this, I sometimes think about crazy ideas just to give a marvellous present for myself. To thank for myself. Actually, I am thinking of going overseas but visa application gives me a problem. But I’ll keep for that later. For now on, enjoying this sense of gratitude and confidence is best gift I can give for myself for completing this honorable duty.
And you know what! I think I’m gonna miss this moment one day. The moment when I feel so dizzy reading my sister’s text or listening to her calls on the amount of money I have to send to her bank account. LOL. Thanks God for this wonderful lesson. Thank you for my parents for allowing me to take over their responsibility. Now I know how hard it is! And thankfully, again, I did that while I am still single. And for my sister, thank you for the chance to bear upon this duty. I hope you can get a good job soon, amin. And thank you life for a sweet smile upon my face as I am writing this…