I think the hardest part of loving someone is trying to always be myself. I have learned doing this over and over again and this third journey proves me I still have so much to learn. It’s so damn difficult. Oftentimes, the more I like someone the more I ignore myself. I tend to always care about him, feed what he demands but at the same time, I seem to forget that I myself need more attention.
How love blinds me. And that’s not good. Because the more I love someone, the more I put more attention to him, the more likely I depend my happiness on him. And then… the more fragile my feeling is. At the end, the more likely I get hurt so bad when my heart is broken.
Loving myself more than him is an advanced love lesson. It feels like I’m building a self-confidence high wall that will stand side by side with his own wall. We will grow tall together, not caring which one is taller or stronger but both walls are robust. Prioritizing self-love is a must in a relationship. That means I can still use my logic everytime my heart leads my life so that in case he breaks my heart I will remain strong. I may fall or get hurt but it may take shorter time to recover.
Reaching this level is not easy. It requires self-confidence, self-loving, and constant self-seeking. Definitely, I have to ask for guidance from Alloh swt on how to maintain this attitude. That’s the thing that I currently learn: loving him without losing myself. So that, whenever bad things may occur between us, I know that I’ll always be prepared. That I will bounce back, love myself again no matter what. That to love him does not mean I have to follow him in every kind of way. Instead, maintaining what I believe is good values will strengthen our future relationship. Wish me luck!