If Only

Suppose I know when Cupid will shoot its love arrow. If so, I would wear the best outfits that I have. If so, I would behave so properly, politely, so that he likes me, too, since our first meeting. If so, I would carefully watch over my words, everything that comes out from my mouth. But you’ll never know… If so, love will be so damn boring, predictable, flat!

If only my heart think before it falls in love. If only my heart processes every single thing I see from a man who steals my heart away from the first moment we meet. If only my logic overpowers my heart when it comes to have a crush over someone. But love doesn’t work that way. You can’t choose with whom you are going to fall. It just happens. Sometimes, you feel ‘the click’ right from the first encounter or you start feeling ‘the click’ as your friendship progresses.

Should we blame love or God when we fall in love with the wrong person? Can love ever be wrong? Oh … if only I could bring the love kind of thing to the court for leading my heart to the wrong persons, the men whom I can’t ever be with. If only love is in the form of human beings so that I could put it into jail. If only I could blame love…

There’s no such thing as maddening as love. When I like someone I can’t even recognize who I really am. It’s like a drug. It keeps me attached to him all the time. Once I cease talking to him I feel like I run out of oxygen. My brain goes offline when it comes to this point. Yes, whether what I feel is a real love or just a simple crush but that how love does to me.

There’s no magic as powerful as love. Suddenly, I get up so happy in the mornings. I feel a kind of strange power that booasts my mood throughout the days. I can feel he is beside me all the time. I can do everything, I try everything just to keep us always in contact. This, for an introvert like me, is a magic. I’ve done this before but applying to a person whom we just met once, for me, is like a miracle. Stupid miracle, you may say it so.

He takes out the craziest, wildest side of me. He’s the kind of man with whom I find it so comfortable to say bad words. It feels so amazing to utter bad words with him while we comment about football. He’s the first, best person whom I can share silly talks with. The way we get misunderstanding in a few small chats then end up laughing each other because of that is priceless.

And yes, there’s no painful emotion as torturing as love. He’s now with someone else. Just when our friendship is at its best, in a way that we get closer and closer day by day. What a short bond! What a quick happiness! Anyway.. thank you so much boy for unlocking the door of my heart. It has long been dead. For far too long. It’s such a pity that you belong to someone else’s heart. Though I do wish I deserve someone’s better than you, the fact that I must bury this crush remains a bit painful.

Thank you so much for the laugh, lots of that. Thank you so much for the trivial talks. Thank you for accompanying me throughout the day with your replies, jokes and everything. May be, just may be… we may cross in the same path in the future if we are meant for each other.

To this man whose name shall not be mentioned, I owe you a lot. You are really someone. I wish you bunch of happiness. We will remain good friends. Oh.. I wish I could say these things to you…

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