This may sound strange but each time I write in English Language I feel like I were a refreshed person compared to the moments I compose stories in Bahasa Indonesia.

It’s like English Language gives me power to express something in as bold, honest way as I can be. For an introverted person like me, knowing this language has been such a gift. Back then, I was too closed. Living in a country as social as Indonesia, I have to be careful every time I open my mouth. I put others’ interests above my own.

Even after I have written a lot of stories both in English Language and Bahasa Indonesia, each time I start writing articles in Bahasa Indonesia, I constantly check sentences. I am afraid I may hurt peoples’ feelings. To sum it all up, I still can’t completely uncover my masks. It remains hard for me to go all out. I guess that’s because I am not an outspoken person.

As such, I avoid writing things about personal stories in my own native language. I find it too embarrassing. This is uncommon nowadays when youngsters in Indonesia are so open with their feelings, especially those living in the country’s capital, Jakarta. Still for me, talking about feelings in front of public or writing them down in the internet is quite taboo.

Expressing my feelings in English Language somehow proves the other way around. It liberates me to say whatever I like. I feel like a free person each time I say something in the foreign language. May be that’s because the Western culture that is attached to it. As far as I know, Western culture is more democratic. It respects every individual’s voice.

Furthermore, saying something in English Language makes me feel honest about myself. I’ve got nothing to hide. It boosts my confidence. Since I have learned about English Language I have become more expressive. I have begun speaking more in my mother tongue, too. I have been no longer a shy girl from the next door (I am not as timid as people think actually).

The challenge is I must always remind myself not to watch my words, particularly when I am with my parents or older people. They are my teachers of life, the ones I always look up to. So I have to respect them so much because they deserve that.

In working environment, I must convey my opinions in courteous manners. Apart from the money, this is important for my good reputation. Other than that, I have rooms to speak freely. Thanks so much to English Language for making me a braver speaker.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “How becoming a bilingual reader makes me having two identities

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