Writing is my emotional therapy for as long as I can barely remember. I release all burdens, blocks that stay in the heart and the mind each time I put pen on papers. I feel calm afterwards. Back then, saying things that I don’t want to share them with anybody else is more than enough. The process is a sacred moment. The intimacy between me and words is indescribable.
Then, here comes blogging platforms. My intention of writing has since deviated after making this account. From channeling the emotions, now one of my goals is how making my pieces read by a lot of people. The first years of my participation in WordPress sees the number of people read my stories is very few. And I don’t really mind with that because all I care is taking all the noises out.
With the coming of social media, the once tiny motivation starts taking its toll. I wish to garner readers as many as I can do. On one side, I am encouraged to write stories that are more up-to-date. I am forced to be creative, not only reviewing books I read but also telling what makes the book unique or things like that.
But on the other side, my need to know my writings seen by a number of people gets growing. The emergence of social media makes my need to have my writings validated become even bigger. I begin believing the more people read, like or put comments in my posts, the better my stories are. How shallow!
I get so high whenever my posts get a lot of likes or loves and become so low if they prove the other way around. This doesn’t only apply for posts in this blog but also writings I share in other platforms. Gradually, I become externally motivated in writing. It becomes gradually difficult to write just to satisfy my needs or raise my writing bar for I start thinking of people reaction before I write certain topics.
My wish of making people praising my writings become higher that this sometimes making me feeling so dependable upon their remarks. I no longer feel fully contented when writing.
Surely, if no one read my words doesn’t mean my stories are bad or low quality. If none gives any damn about my works doesn’t mean they are shitty. If only I uphold my principle of putting myself first then others. If only I know the hardest battle in today’s modern era is staying the same no matter the world tries to steal your attention.
But I really comprehend today’s world is almost always about quantity, attention and numbers. Going viral today then get drowning the next day. My task is balancing what I need on the inside and what suit people most. This has been day-to-day act of working and doing this has mixed my feelings; sometimes I am okay with zero readers but sometimes I can feel down, too. Oh the challenging lives of modern people..