Wishing writing a book on my own as my unusual escape

I want to write a novel in Bahasa Indonesia, my mother tongue, although I haven’t felt comfortable writing pieces in the language that has been part of my identity. Despite the fact that I prefer practicing writing in English language, I wish one day I can have a book on my own. I don’t know exactly why. Sometimes, my ego comes up; it says you have friends who write books, why can’t you do that, too? You can write better books than theirs or than books you read at glance at bookstores.

That’s my selfish, competitive reason.

Another part of me says writing a book is the only entrepreneurship thing that I can do to ensure I have a career in case I get fired or find it hard to find jobs. I find myself too shy to sell goods or market some products so writing is the most convenient thing I can do to make ends meet, one day.

That’s my pragmatic objective.

I get to write a book to showcase my understanding about literature so far. I have read tons of great writings, have opened my mind to perspectives across genders and authors. I have to put what I know into good writings. To let my friends know I am a good writer, too. To make myself known that I am a good reader. It is as if I were a student who is tasked of scoring good grades at exams after studying hard for a few years.

That’s my most arrogant point.

I wish I have my own book one day to leave a legacy. Just in case, once more, just in case people recognize ny name. I’d love to voice my own in forms of writing about topics I’d be always glad to talk about.

And that’s my ambitious goal.

I don’t wanna be naive here. Those reasons have contributed to my overall goal of having a book in the future. If I say only I want to write a book because I just want to then I’d sad if none would read it. So, each of them have encourage my thought of getting my book published. Yet the most honest reason on why I want to write a book is that I’d love to embark on an adventure. I’d love to set a goal, the thing that will push me getting up in the morning on a high note because I have extraordinary thing to do each day apart from obligatory things.

I hope this goal will distract my attention whenever my other aspects of life turn sour. At least, I have this mission to accomplish whenever days get rough and people turn their blind eyes to me. I start thinking at least having this goal will lift me when things or people don’t care about me.

This goal start becoming an escape, a place where I can always run to, my new best friend. The one that never satisfies me, the one that helps me going up and up. I guess this is more than enough at the moment.

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